Discover your “Outside Voice” for Greater Impact!

Have you ever encouraged a child to use their “inside voice” in the hopes of quieting them down? I recall using that phrase on numerous occasions with my own children when they were younger. Sometimes it worked. Sometimes not so much.

Recently, it occurred to me that many of us, particularly women, have been encouraged to use our own “inside voices” in life when, in fact, what’s needed now more than ever is a chorus of “outside voices” willing to speak up for what’s right and true.

The other day I was having a conversation with my husband, brother-in-law, and two sons about a soccer game my son had played in and what a poor job the referees had done.  So much so that they lost control of the game and numerous players were injured.  We were discussing whether or not to write a letter to the league encouraging them to do a better job of training their referees.  The consensus from the group was that nothing would change.

I heartily disagreed!  I believe that the only way anything is going to change is if we speak up.  It might not be comfortable.  It might not be well received.  And it’s possible that nothing will happen.  At least not right away.

But if enough people speak up on a consistent basis and in a respectful manner voicing their concerns and offering solutions, then chances are things will eventually change.

What I know for sure is if we never say anything, never offer another way, never dream of a better world – it’s likely that things won’t change.

Watch my latest video blog to hear how my 90-year old mother found her voice and how doing so can lead to better health, a feeling of empowerment, and greater impact.  But don’t wait until you’re 90 to discover yours!

Be AWE-dacious!

Lis

Why Imagination Creates a Better Reality

What did you want to be when you grew up? When I was little, my friends and I had lots of different ideas. Every day, we would make pretend and be all those things.

We pretended we were Mommies with babies, teachers in school, nurses and doctors in a hospital, or secretaries in an office. (I hope today little girls are dreaming they can be CEOs, too!)

The point is, we would get lost in creativity and spend hours immersed in a world of our imagining. And we were never ready to stop playing when it was time to go home for dinner. The next day we’d pick up where we left off and the fun would begin again.

As an adult, I often wonder what it would be like if more of us would make pretend? What if instead of focusing on all the darkness, suffering, chaos, and division that is so prevalent in our world, we chose to imagine a better world?

What if we pretended that we could actually create that better world using our imagination, intellectual prowess, and a little chutzpah?

Could we imagine our way out of the darkness and into the light? I know we can! Not only can we – we must. Because the direction things are headed is woefully unacceptable.

Understanding Our Own Imagination

Imagination is defined as “the faculty of imaging, or of forming mental images or concepts of what is not actually present to the senses”. So, it’s not that what we imagine doesn’t exist. It’s just that we don’t experience it yet using our five senses.

In other words, a better world – a better way of living – does exist. It’s simply up to us to make it real.

We are the creators of our own reality. And, if you’re like me, the reality you imagine looks a whole lot different than the reality many of us are living on a daily basis.

The better world I imagine has figured out how to solve our most challenging social issues. Hunger, homelessness, and disease are a thing of the past. Education, employment, and healthcare are accessible to all. Violence, war, and destruction are a distant memory. Harassment, racism, and inequality are not tolerated. Women are not exploited and children are not abused.

And in this better world I am not constrained by feelings of fear or unworthiness. I’m not afraid that I don’t fit in or have what it takes to make a difference. I don’t play small because that’s the story somebody wrote for me.

From Dreams to Reality

In this better world that I imagine, I am courageous, confident, and limitless! I am open to the experience of infinite possibilities. And what I have to offer – what I have to share with the world – is desperately needed at this moment in time.

In fact, the world desperately needs what each of us has to offer, what each of us can dream, what each of us knows to be true.

It’s not that different from when we were little and we pretended that the world was filled with beauty and hope and love.

That’s why I can make this world my reality. I can’t control what others do, but I can control my actions and steps towards creating the world I desire.

Our imagination is the connection to our soul – our AWE-thentic self. We need to spend more time there.

Today I want you to think about something you really want to do. Or a way you really want to make a difference in your community, for your business, or for your family and friends. Dream it then go out and do it!

Leave me a comment below and tell me about the world you imagine and what you’re doing to make it real. Sometimes speaking our desires out loud (or virtually, that is) is the first step to getting them done!

Be AWE-dacious! Make pretend!

3 Simple Ways to Reduce Stress and Have More Fun (Every Single Day!)

When was the last time you laughed hard? I mean doubled over, gasping for breath, pee your pants kind of laughing?

Or when was the last time you danced? Like all out, shake your booty, hands in the air like you just don’t care kind of dancing?

How about playing? The kind of fun that makes you completely forget about your worries and fears.  The kind of fun that leaves you energized, rejuvenated, loving life.

I’m asking because I REALLY want to know!  Because I rarely laugh, dance, and play anymore.  And I don’t know why… 

I used to laugh hard. In fact, I was awarded 2^nd place for Funniest Girl in my high school senior class. (Robin Shartle beat me out and I’m still a bit salty about it – but she was funny and hopefully still is.)  And I still am funny and playful but it’s buried deep inside and rarely sees the light of day.

I used to dance. I took lessons when I was little at Bobby Riggs Dance Studio and I loved it – tap dancing in particular! I kept dancing into high school in theatre productions and on the pom-pom squad.  And we’d go out dancing every so often in college and when I was single.  I danced when my kids were little but not so much anymore.  (Although if you ask my husband and boys they will tell you they LOVE to watch me dance to Rainy Day by Coldplay.)

And play.  I don’t even remember the last time I played. Frankly, I’m not sure I know what play looks like anymore as an adult.

Does this sound familiar for you, too? This idea that somewhere along the way we got a bit too serious? That we forgot how to have real fun?

Laughing and dancing and playing.  That’s why we’re here!  So why don’t we do more of it?

Now, I know there’s a lot of darkness in the world, but if we’re to be “light bearers”, Pope Francis says we can’t walk around looking like we’re going to a funeral.

Re-Define Success

As adults, I think we often feel like we are being graded on what we accomplish, how successful we are, or how much money we make.

But what if we re-defined success as how often we laugh, dance, and play?

What if instead of focusing so much on our work, or the daily grind, or all of the have-to’s that fill our days – we began being intentional about finding things to laugh about amidst the chaos that is our world?

Stopping in the middle of the day to put on our favorite song and dance, dance, dance – ecstatic dance.  Getting down on the floor to play with your children or playing a game of tennis, cards, or even (and I can’t believe I’m saying this) a video game with your teenage son.

Schedule Play

It might take effort at first to break out of the habit of always putting work before play or taking life so seriously.

It might actually mean putting it on our calendar or having an alarm go off on our phone so we don’t forget…

• 10:00 Laugh
• 12:00 Dance
• 2:00   Play

But I bet it won’t be too long before you realize that you finally remember what life is all about.  You used to know – when you were a kid – and there was plenty of time to laugh and dance and play.

Remember her? Let’s go find her again.

Take a moment and share with me below: What makes you laugh until you cry? What’s your favorite dance tune? What do you do for fun?

Your sharing will help me remember!

Be AWE-dacious!

2 Ways to Actually Slow Down for More Success & Happiness

Do you feel like the pace of life is speeding up?

They say as you get older life seems to pass by more quickly, but this feels different.

Everything is coming at us so fast. Even my kids have noticed!

Years ago, when they were in elementary school, I remember talking to them about this.  My memory as a child was that each year passed by so slowly. I couldn’t wait to move from one grade to the next – to get older and be able to do new and exciting things.

But when I described this to my children they didn’t get it.  For them, life was moving very quickly.  At the start of a new school year I’d announce, “Only 180 days of school left!”  And in the blink of an eye we’d be counting down the last two or three days.  It’s like their childhood was being stolen from them.

I see it with my family and friends, too. It’s so challenging to find time to chat on the phone, meet for lunch, or squeeze in a walk to catch up.  It’s like we think that texting each other is enough to keep our relationships strong.  As if hearing each other’s voices or sitting face to face is no longer a necessary part of life.

Everyone is so damn busy, right?

Here’s a few steps you can take to slow down…

Take Back Time

I promise you there is enough time in your day. There is time enough to do exactly what the Universe needs you to do – no more, no less. In fact, time is a concept of our own making and yet we let it control our lives.

We rush around with our eye on the clock making sure we fill every moment and accomplish as much as possible in a 24-hour period.  We’re on a treadmill that never stops, and we refuse to jump off.

But let me ask you this…

What are you afraid will happen?  Someone will pass you by?  I say, “Let ‘em!”  This is a race I never signed up for. Wouldn’t you agree?

When was the last time you wasted time with friends or family?  I mean actually saw each other face-to-face without a specific event or reason? Or just enjoyed each other’s company without staring at a screen or thinking about what needs to get done?

So, today, sit down for a few minutes and schedule some time with friends or family. Pick two or three people this month you’d like to see and make a plan!

Do What You Love First

Sometimes, it’s as simple as just trying to do too much at one time.

What if you were to begin looking at your life in chapters? Instead of trying to do it all now, you put some things on hold to write into another chapter. It’s not that you’ll never do them, it’s just not going to all get done today or this week.

It might even mean saying “no” to some really good things so that you can say a “big yes” to the most important things.

Make a list of those important things and decide to make them top priority this month.

Right now, I’m jumping off the treadmill and I invite you to do the same. Let’s stop running around this month!

Now it’s your turn…

What are you going to put on hold for the time being so that you can spend more time just being?  Leave a comment for me below and let’s do this together!

Be AWE-dacious!

Put On Your Wings

In my office on the third floor of our home sits a big, green, overstuffed chair. I purchased it when my kids were little. I wanted a comfy place where we could all snuggle and read. When we moved to Chicago, the chair was too big for my bedroom, so we brought it up to the third floor.

At the time, that space was my retreat, the place where I would meditate, journal, and do yoga. It was also the place where I faced my shadows, the parts of myself that needed to be healed of grief, anger, guilt, and fear. It’s where I ultimately found peace and joy. And it’s the place where God called me up and out of my comfort zone.

Are you being called out of your comfort zone?

I didn’t want to go. I liked it there. I felt good where I was—good about God, good about myself, and good about my life. My comfort zone was safe, cozy, and easy. And I didn’t have to get up and out of my comfort zone, because my husband had a job. He could keep working and take care of us, and I could continue to be a stay-at-home mom. True, my children were growing up and would be leaving home in the not so distant future, so I would not have been able to keep that title forever. But I probably could have faked it for a few more years without anyone knowing.

The truth was, I couldn’t kid myself. I knew what I had to do. I had to get up and out of the big, green chair. It was time to trade in the backpack of excuses I had been carrying for a fresh, new set of wings. I couldn’t keep the backpack because we all have a weight limit, and if we’re carrying too much baggage, we won’t be able to fly. And it was time for me to learn how to fly.

No more excuses!

I wasn’t sure where I wanted to go, but I knew I was being lured out from that place of comfort. You see, we can run from God’s dreams for us, but we can’t hide. And sometimes we just have to grow into them. That’s often what the second half of life is all about. I know this to be true because in my own life, I have heard two callings.

I discovered my first calling after I left the corporate world, determined not to sell my soul for the sake of my career. I then dabbled in some entrepreneurial pursuits, none of which garnered much success or fulfillment. At thirty-one years old, I had my first child. And the minute I saw him, I knew I had found my purpose. For the first time in my life I knew I was exactly where I was meant to be. So I took a sabbatical from my career—a really long sabbatical—and immersed myself in the world of motherhood.

But there was always a nagging feeling that I had left something undone, that I had not peaked, that I had another purpose in my life.

Something was left undone

What I didn’t anticipate was that being a stay-at-home mom would have an impact on my self-confidence. I didn’t know that when it was time to think about going back out into the “real world,” I would have to face fears I didn’t even know I had. And the deepest fear of all was that I didn’t have what it takes to make my dream come true.

I knew I wanted to own my own business, and I knew I wanted it to be mission-driven. But I had no real role models. No one in my family had ever owned a business. In fact, most of the women in my family had taken the traditional route of staying home and raising kids. So I started looking outside my family to female role models who were succeeding as entrepreneurs. I am forever grateful to a cadre of women—most of whom I’ve never met—who encouraged me to step outside my comfort zone and follow my dream.

I am grateful to all of the women who encouraged me

I listened to Dr. Christiane Northrup’s radio program, Flourish, every Wednesday morning, and I drank in her wisdom and encouragement. I enrolled in Marie Forleo’s B-School to learn how to market myself in the age of the internet. I listened to Arianna Huffington talk about how to maintain balance in her Thrive class, and I learned to embrace my feminine power through Claire Zammit’s online program. I even attended a small group mentoring program called Raising the Bar hosted by Jean Houston at her home in Ashland, Oregon. And slowly but surely, my courage increased until I was ready to put it all out there and launch my business.

It’s not easy to do the thing we know we need to do. It’s not easy to put yourself out there for the world to see and risk failure, criticism, and defeat. But the alternative is unbearable. You absolutely don’t want to get to the end of your life and wonder what would have happened if you had just taken a chance and followed your dream.

It’s not easy to risk failure but the alternative is unbearable

And here’s the other great thing that happens when you’re outside your comfort zone: You feel the need for God, all the time. You call on him more and rely on his strength and guidance. And that’s always a good thing. That space outside your comfort zone is wide open, sacred space that is unbounded and unfettered. It’s where I spend most of my time now. I guess you could say I’m becoming comfortable being uncomfortable.

My time had come. My desire, my dream, and my destiny were calling. The only question that remained was what it would look like.

Get comfortable being uncomfortable

I wanted to create something that fully expressed who I was and what mattered most to me. It would have to integrate my spirituality, love of entrepreneurship, passion for empowering women and children, and deep desire to serve humanity in a way that had social impact. If it could somehow incorporate my love of wine, that would be an added bonus.

AWE Partners was birthed from the depth of my soul with a mission to encourage, inspire, and empower women to make their awe-thentic impact by sharing their gifts and talents in service to the universe. Believing that entrepreneurship has the power to not only lift women up but to solve our most challenging social ills, I chose to work closely with heart-centered entrepreneurs who want to align their business mission with their cause-related passion.

I saw that it wasn’t enough to simply make money as an entrepreneur and keep that corner of life segregated from the larger world and the impact many of us long to have on it. If women could link their entrepreneurship with their passion to give back to the world, real change could happen.

You have the ability to effect real change

To do that, I also saw that like me, most women needed and even longed to do the self-exploration necessary to rebuild themselves where they were broken, become unstuck, take their self-confidence to the next level, and otherwise take themselves to a place of greater authenticity and self-understanding so their giving could be intentional. When women explore who they are, they ultimately also discover what they have to give and how they want to give it.

But when it comes to making the connection between who they are as women and who they can be as philanthropists, many successful women have remained grounded, like airplanes waiting on a runway for the fog to dissipate. In essence, they just need help dissipating that fog so they can spread their wings and fly. And when that happens, they can help others soar.

So come on.  Put on your wings and let’s learn how to fly!

Be AWE-dacious!

Shatter Your Glass Ceiling

Not so long ago, I had one of those experiences when I knew I was being taught a very important lesson by life. But that knowledge did not stop the pain from being excruciating. It all began when my husband and I took our youngest son to an appointment with a college counselor. In two short years I will be sending my second and last child off to college, which is sure to bring out a whole host of other life lessons.

Life lessons can be painful

What was supposed to be a first step in the long road to college acceptance triggered something in me that I had no idea was hiding out. Our conversation centered around who my son was and what he was looking for in a college. We discussed his academic credentials and his desire to play soccer. We talked about the size of the school he would like to attend, the geographic locations he preferred, and what he thought he’d like to study.

Then the counselor asked my son about his extracurricular activities. She told him that he would need to begin creating his activity list and printed out a copy of one that a former client had prepared. The implication was that without an impeccable activity list, his chance of getting into an elite institution was questionable, despite his stellar academic record and the fact that he just happens to be a terrific kid. (Yes, that’s his mother talking, but it’s true, dammit!) We finished our discussion and parted ways.

On the car ride home, I began pondering the fact that the playing field is not level. It’s not fair that every child can’t afford to hire a college counselor whose job it is to do everything they can to get that child into the best possible school. It’s not fair that every child can’t hire a writer to edit their college essays. It’s not fair that every child can’t afford to hire a tutor to help them prepare for their college entrance exams or get a better grade in their litany of AP classes that, apparently, they shouldn’t be in anyway if they need a tutor! Is it just me or is that insanity? Life’s not fair! But we already knew that.

Life’s not fair but we knew that

Then I glanced at the activity list the counselor had printed out and gasped. This so-called teenager had accomplished more in his four years of high school than most people accomplish in a lifetime of careers. Before turning eighteen, this prodigy was the vice president of one of the top math teams in the state. He was the president of his school’s physics, engineering, and technology club, which was working on remotely operated vehicles. He was a math tutor. He had taken a college course at Northwestern, a summer camp on number theory at Stanford, and studied black holes and quantum mechanics at Brown. I wondered why the hell he was going to college because it seemed to me that he already had the equivalent of a college education.

My first thought was that someone had permitted this young boy to miss his childhood. They had encouraged him to do everything “right” so he could get into the best educational institution in the country. They thought that would make him happy and successful in life, so they had pushed him to grow up quickly, thus providing him an edge in a race to nowhere. And, sadly, he had obeyed.

Mind you, I did not know that any of these things were true. It could be said that they were the hallucinations rumbling around in my head in response to that activity sheet.

But it’s what happened next that led to my awakening. I started to question myself and continued with that questioning for days. Why hadn’t I encouraged my son to stick with math club, even though he found it boring? Why hadn’t I signed him up for engineering camp instead of a leadership conference? Might he have done research with a professor some summer instead of playing soccer? In fact, why had I let him play soccer or anything else outdoors when he was little instead of studying advanced science and math indoors?

But it didn’t stop there. No, I went on to question every decision I had ever made about my older son who was already at the “wrong” college. Why did I not force my brilliant, rebellious son to get the grades he was capable of in high school even though he was bored and loathed studying? Why didn’t I insist that he fully annotate the novel Cat’s Eye even though it’s a book that only women in midlife would enjoy? Why didn’t I let him continue to participate in Model UN, despite the fact that the weekend conferences were “supervised” by college students and the kids were drinking and smoking pot? Why on earth did I think that a college focused on growing the mind, body, spirit, and emotions would serve him well in life?

And what about earlier in his life? Why hadn’t I insisted that he stay in Boy Scouts so he could achieve the coveted Eagle Scout badge even though the only activity he enjoyed was spelunking? Why hadn’t I breast fed longer? Why hadn’t I played more classical music to my growing fetus? Why hadn’t I gotten pregnant when I was younger and my cells were more robust? Why, why, why?

Why? Why? Why?

Not long after that visit with the college counselor, I began having back pain. Being very in tune with the mind-body connection, I knew my body was sending me a message. I just wasn’t sure what it was.

As fate would have it, the spirituality center near my home was holding a retreat on the Sedona Method, which teaches that a sense of lack and our desire for control, security, and approval give rise to our emotions. Those desires make us feel insecure because we believe we are lacking something we need to feel complete. The balm that heals is loving, unconditional presence. Was it possible that my endless self-questioning following that meeting stemmed from a sense of lack? Did I feel I lacked the ability to control what was happening with my sons? Did I feel insecure about my children’s futures and my ability to make decisions that would impact their futures in a positive way? Was I seeking the approval of my peers and the larger world based on what college my boys attended?

Yes! Yes! Yes! It was a breakthrough. I eased up on myself and the back pain lessened.

But three days later, I was writhing in pain on my family room floor. Perhaps I didn’t have it all figured out after all. Three Advil capsules later, along with some heat and stretching, and I was able to sit upright enough to try working through the emotions. What was I resisting? What wall was blocking my ability to move forward? As I thought more about it, I realized that it was not a wall but a ceiling—my inner glass ceiling. That ceiling had been hanging over my head for a long time, and there were words etched in the glass: You’re not good enough.

Do you have an inner glass ceiling?

It was a stunning realization. I had not seen myself as a person who thought she wasn’t good enough, and I could not imagine anyone ever telling me that when I was growing up. But then I began thinking about it. One time in elementary school, I wasn’t invited to a party. In seventh grade, I was cut from the cheerleading squad, and in eighth grade, my friends decided to room with someone else during a trip to Washington, DC. I ran for class secretary once and lost, and more than once, I liked a boy who didn’t like me back. I got a D on an assignment. A boyfriend broke up with me. I dropped a college class because I was failing it. I applied for a job I didn’t get and started a business that didn’t get off the ground.  The mistakes I feared I’d made parenting had plenty of company for what I might have subconsciously thought were my failures in life.

Were these all examples of not being good enough? At some level within me, they apparently were. They were just normal, everyday experiences of growing up and growing out into the world, but at some level, they had stung badly enough that I had internalized them as evidence I wasn’t good enough. Buried deep within my psyche, that feeling had created a glass ceiling.

I knew I wasn’t alone in this. Those interior thoughts and feelings create walls, ceilings, and entire houses that keep us trapped. By our own making, we are kept in our place—our nice, safe place. There is, of course, a problem with it. It may feel comfortable some of the time, but it is actually a small, tight space. It’s hard to breathe in there. It’s hard to move freely.

That cramped space restrains us until we have had enough and refuse to let it contain us anymore. When the life force inside us that has always been there begins to bubble, churn, and push its way out of the depths of the soul, the truth of who we are emerges.

Sometimes that happens in a fit of unbearable back pain; sometimes it happens in even more uncomfortable ways.

Eventually the truth must emerge

Now here’s the truth: You are good enough. You always have been good enough. You always will be good enough. You don’t have to change. You don’t have to do or be anything to be good enough. You already are.

Not only are you good enough, you are magnificent! You are brilliant, beautiful, gifted, talented, and beloved. You are a daughter of the king, which makes you a princess.

And so am I.

How do I know these things? I know them because when we explore ourselves at depth, when we peel away everything that is not authentically us, what is left is the true, authentic self. And that is not only good enough, it is a wondrous thing.

Your authentic self is a wondrous thing!

When we don’t know that we’re good enough, right down to the level of our DNA, we play small. And we don’t think we could possibly be enough to have something to give to others. If we actually do make little forays into the world of sharing our gifts, we don’t show up fully. We don’t take the risks necessary to make lasting change. We don’t shine our light.

But we are good enough. And together we just might light the world on fire.

Anyone have a match?

Be AWE-dacious!

Lis