The Other Side of Fear and Failure

“A healthy fear keeps you from dying. An unhealthy fear keeps you from living.” – Lis Williams

If you want to be a light bearer in the world, and you do because we need you out there, you’re going to have to face your fears. And you’re going to have to be willing to fail. To fall down, get back up, brush yourself off, and keep going.

Failing isn’t fun, and we rarely like to talk about our failures. But in truth, we all fail. We all make mistakes. If we could just stop making such a big deal of it, we would realize that our failures lead to our successes.

Fail your way to Success

When I was in my 20’s, I was in graduate school at night and working during the day. I had a group presentation that I had been preparing for, but the night before the presentation I was unexpectedly invited to a Cubs game. Never one to pass up an opportunity to spend an evening at Wrigley Field, I chose to go to the game instead of practicing my presentation. I had given many presentations in my life and wasn’t concerned in the least.

My group of four got up to present the next night in class, and when the first presenter finished I was up. I got up in front of the class of about twenty with my cue cards and slides and began to speak. But, as I was talking, I realized that I really didn’t know what I was going to say next. Rather than winging it like I had done many times before, I froze. That would have been bad enough, but despite the fact that my brain had frozen, my mouth was moving, babbling in an incoherent fashion. I heard myself, but I was unable to stop.

The audience was clearly uncomfortable by the disaster they were witnessing. One woman in front kept smiling and nodding encouragingly hoping I would recover my composure. Others just kept looking down perhaps in belief that I might be able to get through my part of the presentation if no one was paying attention. Even the professor was doing his best not to notice. I eventually stopped babbling and turned it over to the next presenter.

When we finished our presentation and headed back to our seats, a break was announced. I quickly left the building to take a walk and try to regain my composure. I wanted to leave and go home, but I had left all of my belongings back in the classroom. I would have to go back in and face my peers. Somehow I managed.

A moment changes everything

Nothing that embarrassing had ever happened to me. I had failed before, but I had never failed so publicly. What I learned that day was that I could fail in a big, public way, and it changed everything for me. I began to be afraid. I never wanted to have that experience again, and I was afraid that I might. I didn’t understand what had happened, nor did I understand what had brought it on. Only later did I come to see it for what it was: my first panic attack.

I became afraid to speak in public, even in small groups. Then my fear began to carry over to other areas of my life. I became claustrophobic on elevators and in skyscrapers, and I had panic attacks on airplanes. I began planning my life around avoiding situations that might be uncomfortable. My life revolved around my fears.

My life revolved around my fears

It was awful, and I knew it had to stop. I finally said to myself, no more! I’m not living like this. I will not let fear keep me from doing something that I want or need to do in life. I realized that to get over my fears, I had to step outside of myself. I had to get over my ego. I had to care less about what others thought of me and more about what I could do for others – even when it was scary. I began to face my fears head on, did things that scared me, and risked embarrassment.

And here’s the truth of it: We don’t just fail once and we don’t just get the opportunity to face our fears once. We get those opportunities with some frequency, and if you want to be a light in the darkness, you will let your failures point the route to success, face your fears, and be willing to step into the darkness now and then.

Don’t let fear keep you from doing the things you need to do

I can assure you it is so much better to be in the water, flailing around, not knowing how to swim, than it is to be standing on the shore afraid to jump in. If more of us would just admit to our fears and our failures, it would encourage others to do the same. Then no one would be left standing on the shore.

Who’s up for a swim?

Be AWE-dacious!

Light the Dark and Heal the World

Last year marked the election of the 45th President of the United States of America. This will undoubtedly be one of those moments that you’ll remember forever. Where were you when you learned that Hillary Clinton had lost and Donald Trump was our new President?

The range of emotions surrounding the announcement spans the spectrum between disgust and exuberance. Some see this as our darkest moment. Others see hope on the horizon.

But for another group of people, this election doesn’t really change anything. By itself, it is neither dark nor light. It just is. Another step in the ongoing unfolding of our shared Creation story.

So is it really possible to “live in this world but not be of it”? In other words, can we somehow rise above the growing sense of chaos and darkness that seems to permeate our existence? Can what happens on the outside leave untouched the peace and joy we feel within?

Can we rise above the chaos and darkness?

Yes! But it’s not easy. This is where soul care becomes critical. Let me explain…

Before I stepped back into the “work world” I was a stay-at-home mom. As many of you parents know, that is a misnomer – I was rarely at home. If I wasn’t carpooling my children to and from school and activities and play dates, I was volunteering at their schools, at our church, and in our community.

I always had the desire to use my gifts and talents to try to “make things better”. I would identify a situation that I thought could be improved and try to figure out how to do so.

I always wanted to make things better

I thought I had the best of intentions and was just being helpful. But as conflicts would arise I found myself getting angry; angry at our institutions that were doing it all wrong, angry at all the idiots who couldn’t get it right, and angry that the world couldn’t be perfect for my precious little children.

It took many years before I realized that the anger I was feeling wasn’t all about what was going on out there. The anger was actually inside of me.

The anger within colored how I saw the world

And it was the anger within that colored how I saw the world outside and how I interacted with my fellow citizens. It really wasn’t the most effective way of being.

So, I finally decided to stop trying to fix things on the outside. Instead, I turned inward to heal the darkness that had settled and re-ignite the light that had dimmed.

Then everything changed! The world didn’t look so dark anymore. People didn’t piss me off as much. Situations didn’t seem hopeless.

Everything changed when I healed the darkness within

As peace and joy began to well up within, I began to see light in the darkness. And I knew I had to share my new-found perspective. When we clear the blockages within, we can then become a vessel through which God pours His love to us, and through us, and out into a hurting world.

It’s not so much about fixing things. It’s about being invited into the darkness (which is holy, too) to share our light. This, in turn, disperses the darkness and empowers those we touch to see their own light, revealing their inner beauty, strength, creativity, and genius.

The darkness is holy, too

No matter who we are, what we have to offer, or how we choose to show up in the world, one thing is true for all of us – we are all called to be light in the dark and heal the world.

You won’t be alone on this journey, there are many other bearers of light. You know them. They come from all walks of life, but they’re doing exactly what they’re meant to do, and you can tell by the glow that surrounds them.

So whatever your calling, whatever your vocation, whatever your purpose; make it one of light, of healing, of service, of love. Because each act of love raises the vibrational level of the planet, and we all want to be part of something bigger than ourselves.

Be part of something bigger than yourself

You want to know what the meaning of your life is? This is it – trust me.

Now go light your world!

Be AWE-dacious!

Feel It All The Way Through

There’s a space between chapters in life that can be difficult to accept. It’s a transition time. What some refer to as “liminal space”. It’s when you know what “has been” is ending. But you’re not yet sure what’s to come.

Sometimes we’re happy to have a chapter in our life close. Especially if it’s been a challenging or frustrating time. Other times it’s not so easy to let go of what was. Particularly, if we can’t see what’s up ahead.

The reality is that transitions are an inevitable part of life. Circumstances are always changing. Nothing stays the same.

Nothing stays the same

So what do we do with this? How do we navigate these times in our lives in a way that is healthy and hopeful and open to growth?

I believe the answer is we have to immerse ourselves fully in the place of uncertainty. We have to feel it completely. The fear, the sorrow, the anticipation, the hope. We have to make space for grace.

My oldest son left for college this past fall. I knew it was coming. He made it through four years of high school, took all the college tests, filled out the applications, selected his roommates and housing, yadda, yadda, yadda.

And he was so ready. He couldn’t wait to get out of high school, move out of the house, leave our tiny community, and venture into the great unknown.

I was ready, too. The high school years had been challenging and I had had enough of it. I was ready for him to be in a new environment. To test his wings. To grow up and into the amazing man I knew he had the potential to be.

But despite all the joy at what the future holds for him, there is an incredible aching for what we’re all leaving behind.

Sometimes we ache for what we’re leaving behind

For the past 19 years, he’s rarely slept a night away from us. Other than a few overnight camp trips, we’ve always been together. We ate meals together, we talked every day. I saw his face and could touch him and know he was o.k.

But now that’s all changed. And not just for a while, but forever. Despite the all too common experience of “boomerang” kids, the reality is that he will likely never live under my roof again for any length of time. Our lives will never again be so intertwined.

And I know that’s the way it’s supposed to be. I know. I get that. It’s healthy, and I wouldn’t want it any other way. I know he can’t live with me forever.

But even though I know all these things, it doesn’t really make it any easier. It hurts like hell to let him go.

When he came home for the first time at Thanksgiving it had been eight weeks since he’d been here. And when I looked in his bedroom I saw his suitcase. In the bathroom was his toiletry kit. And it hit me that he’s just visiting. He’s a visitor now. His life is elsewhere.

Of course, this is his home. And wherever I live he can always come home. But it won’t always be his home. He will eventually create his own home. And ours will be a place he visits.

Around the time he was leaving for college there were a lot of Facebook posts about kids heading off to school and the sorrow felt by their mothers. There was a comment from a woman saying something to the effect of, “Send your son off to war and then tell me how hard it is to watch him leave.” Ouch! I can’t even imagine how overwhelmingly difficult that would be and I feel for women who send their children off to war. It would be utterly heartbreaking.

So my initial response was to stop feeling sorry for myself and get over it. It could be so much worse. But the truth is that’s not the healthy response. I used to do that a lot. Pretend everything was o.k. and not really feel my feelings.

It’s not healthy to stuff your feelings

But not feeling your feelings doesn’t make them go away. They just get stuck. In your body. And eventually they have to come out. Often through fits of tears or anger. Or else through physical pain and illness.

The answer isn’t to suck it up. The answer isn’t to count your blessings and move on. As my bestie Donna says, “Sometimes you gotta stick with the ick.”

We have to feel our feelings. Even and especially the hard ones. We have to feel them all the way through so that we can incorporate them into our being. We need to learn what they have to teach us about ourselves and about life. We have to let them make us human so that we can experience the Divine.

Feel your feelings all the way through

In The Other Side of Chaos, Margaret Silf says that transitions are uncomfortable but that, “…it is often precisely those times when we are dislodged and forced to leave our accustomed comfort zones to embrace (or resist!) a new phase of our lives that we really do receive an invitation to begin to set ourselves free.”

The space between chapters is sacred space. It’s the space where earth and heaven meet. Where we come to know ourselves and discover the deeper meaning and purpose in our lives.

Stay there long enough to glimpse the beauty and wonder of what was and what is to come.

Be AWE-dacious!

Embrace Your Calling

“To grow up is to find the small part you are playing in this extraordinary drama written by somebody else.”
-Madeline L’Engle

When my girlfriend, Verily, turned 50 she told me she’d like to celebrate by seeing Wicked together.

I had already seen the show once with my husband, and it wasn’t my favorite theater production. However, I recalled that the story centered on the friendship between two women, so I was up for giving it a second chance. I don’t know if it was because I was with my best friend, or if the production was so much better, or perhaps I had changed dramatically in the years since I first saw it.

Whatever happened…I LOVED IT!

The two actresses who play the main characters, Glinda and Elphaba, were extraordinarily talented. In the biz they’re called the “triple threat.” They can act, sing, and dance. What I saw were two amazing women who had devoted their entire lives to a calling and were now sharing their gifts with the world. They brought it all, night after night, and left it there on the stage for a mesmerized audience to experience, absorb, and take with them on their journey.

Others are transformed when we live out our calling.

I left the theater that evening transformed and swore to myself that I wouldn’t die with my song unsung. I began to ask myself if I had ever given all I had to anything? Had I ever put it all out there for the world to see?

Have you ever put it all out there?

Had I used all of the gifts and talents and skills and knowledge and wisdom in pursuit of my calling? Did I have any idea what my calling was?

This idea of a calling, a purpose, a mission is not easy to grasp. It takes time and patience and some digging to figure out why we’re here. But we are here for a reason. Each and every one of us. We each have a unique calling that God has destined just for us. And if we don’t claim it – then the world will miss out on the beauty and breath and soul of our being.

We each have a unique calling.

Have you found your calling? Did you know you had one? Or maybe more than one at different stages of your life? Have you listened to the urges and nudges that keep showing up at the most inconvenient times? Do you find yourself ignoring the messages the Universe is sending you because you’re too busy with the kids or the career or the messiness of life?

Are you ignoring the messages?

Don’t ignore it any longer. Don’t ignore the voice of your soul that has been calling out to you since you were a little girl. That thing that keeps showing up year after year in subtle and not too subtle ways. The synchronicities and coincidences.

Don’t forget who you are deep within.

What lights you up? What makes you come alive? What voice do you hear in the silence?

What do you dream about? Whose life do you envy? What does your gut tell you to do?

What are you passionate about? What inspires you? What brings you joy?

All of it. All of the pieces of your life – even the brokenness and pain – are leading you to where God is calling you. To where He needs you out in the world.

GIFTS + TALENTS + VALUES + PASSIONS + EXPERIENCES = CALLING

Wayne Dyer said, “Show up. Pay attention. And music happens. Your music happens.”

Do you hear that music? The symphony of your life? Are you practicing, and polishing your instrument, and ironing your outfit for the big performance?

I hope so.

No one can tell you what your calling is. Only you can determine that for yourself. But I can tell you that when your calling is authentic – and aligned with the Divine – it will manifest itself in service to others. It will bring meaning to your life and healing to the world.

Your calling has the power to heal the world. Click To Tweet

It may be complicated or simple, grandiose or surprisingly normal. But it’s yours. All yours. And the world will be blessed by it. Tosha Silver says, “And when she owns her true energy, the earth itself will breathe a long, deep sigh…of relief.”

Don’t keep us waiting any longer. Bring it!

Holding my breath in anticipation,

Lis

© 2016

4 Ways to Live Your Magnificence

“Hide not your talents.  They for use were made.  What’s a sundial in the shade?”

                                                                                                                              -Benjamin Franklin

Here’s another guest post from Kathleen Gawlik, founder Pure Pupose Coaching & Consulting and also my sister.

1. Keep Your Eye on Your Strengths

One of my unique gifts is seeing others’ strengths. I use this gift in my work as a life coach. Ironically, this ability often made it more difficult for me to identify and focus on the unique gifts and strengths in myself.

Even if seeing the magnificence in others is not your gift, it can be easier for many of us to identify the good and valuable in others than to see the value in the gifts God has chosen to give us. Often, we value in others what we perceive we lack in ourselves.

We value in others what we perceive we lack in ourselves.

God didn’t make us to be clones of one another. Our gifts are meant to complement the gifts of those around us so that in community we become whole.

2. There’s a Reason They’re Called Gifts

It’s exhausting trying to be what we’re NOT. I know from experience! The crazy part is I was living like this for a long time and had NO idea that I was doing it, but it was taking its toll.

It’s exhausting trying to be what we’re NOT!

We get messages from the world and those around us about what is valued. I thought I should be an outgoing, energetic self-starter who’s smart and beautiful, athletic, funny, capable, confident, organized, efficient… Why couldn’t I get it together? Everyone else seemed to be able to (at least the few people I chose to focus on who appeared to be and have it all).

In the end, trying to be something we’re not only makes us tired, sick, and utterly discouraged. God is the Great Gift Giver, and you are His gift to you and to the world. Don’t look around admiring the gifts He’s given to others, wishing they were yours, when all the while the Great Gift Giver’s most perfect package for you is right in your hands!

3. Nurture Your Gifts and Strengths

Let’s say God gave you the gift of music, but music wasn’t valued by those around you. When you brought up your desire to take lessons and become a professional musician, the response was, “You’ll never make any money doing that!” Eventually, music may seem worthless, and you might set it aside and forget about it not realizing its true value to you and to the world.

Knowing our gifts and strengths and nurturing them regardless of others’ opinions is imperative. If we don’t then they eventually are forgotten, and an essential part of us and our potential dies.

If those around you don’t value your gift, find people who do. They’re out there!

Find people who value your gifts!

4. Looking for Purpose? Follow Your Strengths!

So many of us struggle with finding our purpose and often look outside ourselves in search of it when God has placed the clues inside of us in the form of our strengths and gifts.

Why would He make you a natural leader and then give you a purpose that’s not consistent with this? At some point, a natural leader is meant to lead, an exceptional teacher is meant to teach, and a brilliant designer is meant to design and create.

Explore even deeper into your God-given passions and interests, and you’ll begin to understand where you want to use these gifts. Life’s a wonderful adventure when you are being the person God created you to be. Enjoy and share the gifts He’s given you and the world!

Life’s a wonderful adventure when you are being the person God created you to be.

We are blessed when we marvel at and make the most of our magnificence.

The world is blessed when we share our magnificence!

Kathleen Gawlik received her BA in English and MA in counseling from Rollins College in Winter Park, Florida. She completed her ICF-approved training as a Christian Coach through Christian Coach Institute and founded Pure Purpose Coaching & Consulting, LLC. She now helps women weather the storms of life and find their value, unique purpose, and peace as Christ’s Beloved. She is a Christian Coach, Counselor, Consultant and Motivational Speaker.

(c)2016

From UFO’s to NDE’s

”…when focusing on talents, we tend to forget that our real gift is not so much what we can do, but who we are. The real question is not “What can we offer each other?” but “Who can we be for each other?” — Henri Nouwen

As a kid I was fascinated with UFO’s. I loved to read books about extraterrestrial beings. I suspect it was the mystery of it all and the unanswered questions that kept me intrigued.

As an adult I have that same fascination with NDE’s or “Near Death Experiences”. I’m intrigued by stories of people who have died and experienced life on the other side. Recently, it seems, there have been a number of books written on the topic. I have read them all, but my absolute favorite is Dying To Be Me by Anita Moorjani.

Anita had stage 4 cancer and died when her organs shut down. However, her near death experience resulted in a miracle which cured her completely. In her book, she shares many extraordinary insights, but the most important thing she learned was how we all need to love ourselves and recognize our magnificence. Here’s what she says…

“Only when we love ourselves unconditionally, accepting ourselves as the magnificent creatures we are with great respect and compassion, can we ever hope to offer the same to anyone else. Cherishing the self comes first, and caring for others is the inevitable outcome.”

When was the last time you looked in the mirror and said, “I love you”?

When was the last time you exclaimed, “I am magnificent!”?

I’m gonna guess the answer may be “Never!!”

We don’t like to claim our beauty. We’re not comfortable admitting that we have unique gifts, talents, and strengths. We worry what others will think of us if we “get too big for our britches,” as my grandma used to say.

We don’t want to get too big for our britches.

Not only does this keep us living small, it keeps us from sharing the truth of who we are with the world.

Brendan Burchard says we focus on the “busywork” of life rather than focusing on our “life’s work”.

Think about that. How much time do you spend on busywork and how much time do you devote to your life’s work?

Do you even know what your life’s work is?

What is your life’s work?

Most of us don’t because we’ve never taken the time to really explore who we are and just how we might share our gifts, talents, skills, knowledge, wisdom, experiences, hurts, pains, joys, loves with a world that desperately needs what we have to offer.

It’s possible that the truth of who we are has gotten buried under piles of laundry and bills, hidden behind careers that are unfulfilling or marriages that break our hearts, covered by the responsibility of caring for children or the reality of a broken world.

If so, it’s time to re-discover you!

Re-discover you!

Begin the process of figuring out who God made you to be and how you might live from that place.

There are lots of assessment tools you can use that help you to identify your strengths, personality type, passions, spiritual gifts, etc… And those tools can be very helpful as a starting point, but I’m going to suggest that you already know many of the answers. You’ve lived long enough and had enough life experiences to have a strong sense of who you are at the core.

Carving out quiet time on a regular basis will help you to hear that still small voice of truth within that remembers the authentic you.

Spending time with supportive friends and family can help as well. They often see things in us that we aren’t willing to own.

L. Gregory Jones says, “Holy friends challenge the sins we have come to love, affirm the gifts we are afraid to claim and help us dream dreams we otherwise would not dream…Something transformative happens when someone helps us see potential in ourselves we cannot yet see.”

As I was struggling to overcome my fears and step out into the bigger world and God’s plan for my life, my closest friends and family provided the strength I needed to own my gifts and talents and have the courage to take risks and reach for something more.

I’ll always remember the time I was in a meeting with women from our faith sharing group at church. We were talking about a new project and how I might help get it started. My friend, Mary, was describing my role in the process and said, “That’s her gift.”

Her words were so powerful!

To hear someone who had known me for a very long time and with whom I had worked on many projects, voice what she saw as my unique gift in the world – it gave me wings.

Her words gave me wings!

I knew what she said was true – but somehow hearing it from her mouth solidified for me what I long suspected. I could now take what she said and run with it.

Each morning, one of the affirmations I read from Dr. Christiane Northrup says this, “We keep needing to be reminded of our power, not the fear. Become as fabulous as you can!”

Women of AWE, boldly exclaim the truth of your magnificence as a child of Divine Love!

Women of AWE, shine the light of truth on the unique gifts and talents that each and every person on this planet has to share!

You are magnificent! Own it! Click To Tweet

Loving you for the one of a kind Child of God that you are,

Lis (xoxo)

(c)2016

Live Your Heaven!

“We have to accept that the human culture is in a mass hypnotic trance. We’re sleepwalkers…That’s why the Buddha and Jesus say with one voice, “Be awake”. — Richard Rohr

I love the Polar Express! Every Christmas as I read that book (yes – I still read it even though my kids are grown) I cry when I get to the last pages about how the bell has stopped ringing for so many. I always swear I won’t let that to happen to me.

At the end of the movie version, the Conductor looks at the little boy and says, “One thing about trains. It doesn’t matter where they’re going – what matters is deciding to get on.”

Living with “awe” is like that. It’s deciding to get on the damn train rather than standing at the station!

And then once you’re on the train it’s about paying attention to the scenery and not just the destination. It’s living more intentionally, more fully, with more awareness.

You’ve probably heard people talk about being more present and living in the moment. That’s living with “awe”.

It’s stopping the rat race, getting off the treadmill, slowing down.

Breathe.

It’s recognizing that God doesn’t care so much about what we do but rather who we are. How do we show up in the world?

How do you show up in the world?

I’ll give you an example. We have two postal carriers on our block – our regular guy and the guy who fills in for him every so often. And they show up completely differently!

Our regular guy walks very slowly, with his head down the entire time, staring at the envelopes in his hand, avoiding eye contact at all costs. My kids tell the story of the time they were out playing. One of them fell off his bike and was lying on the sidewalk wailing. The postal carrier just kept walking -right around him – never acknowledging his presence.

The fill in guy shows up completely differently. He’s looking up, smiling, happy to start a conversation with you. He evens stops to shoot hoops with the kids in the driveway. I once told him that my son would always remember him as his favorite mailman. That’s living with “awe”!

We rarely look up!

Why is that?

Why are we so busy?

When did we become so important that the world can’t function without our harried existence?

We rarely look up!

I don’t think we have to wait until we die to experience heaven. I believe we can experience heaven – the kingdom of God – here and now. When you open your eyes and begin living with “awe”, you realize that it’s been here all along.

Mark Nepo says, “Rather than finding heaven on earth we are asked to release heaven by living on earth.”

Embrace the “awe” that is your life - then go out and live your heaven! Click To Tweet

Love, Lis

Life in “awe”

“Don’t drink at the water’s edge, throw yourself in. Become the water. Only then will your thirst be quenched.”                                    — Jeanette Berson

When I decided to re-invent myself, one of the things I really wanted was to live with more “awe”.

For quite some time I had felt a “restlessness” – like something was missing. I had a wonderful marriage, two great kids, all the necessities of life and more – so this didn’t make a lot of sense to me.

It was as if I felt that there was a deeper, more magical way of living and I wanted to experience that.

There’s a deeper, more magical way to live.

Every so often, I would read about or meet someone who seemed to be living that way – so I knew it was possible, but I wasn’t sure how to get there.

About that time, I read what would become one of my favorite books of all time – A Million Miles In A Thousand Years by Donald Miller. Here’s the introduction:

“If you watched a movie about a guy who wanted a Volvo and worked for years to get it, you wouldn’t cry at the end when he drove off the lot, testing the windshield wipers. You wouldn’t tell your friends you saw a beautiful movie or go home and put a record on to think about the story you’d seen. The truth is, you wouldn’t remember that movie a week later, except to feel robbed and want your money back. Nobody cries at the end of a movie about a guy who wants a Volvo.

But we spend years actually living those stories, and expect our lives to feel meaningful. The truth is, if what we choose to do with our lives won’t make a story meaningful, it won’t make a life meaningful either.”

“If what we choose to do with our lives won’t make a story meaningful, it won’t make a life meaningful either.” – Donald Miller

Maybe this hit me in the gut because I drove a Volvo. Or maybe there was more to it.

I started to wonder whose story I was living. Was this the story that God intended for my life when He knit me in my mother’s womb? Or was I living someone else’s story? A story written and directed perhaps by my family of origin, friends I had met along the way, my schools and churches, or society.

Whose story are you living?

In Life’s Golden Ticket, Brendon Burchard describes it like this, “It is a quiet dissatisfaction with yourself, with who you have become. You feel there is something more inside you, and you have come here searching for ways to dig it up and unleash it into the world. Deep down, you know you are more than what society has said you are or told you to be, and you are here to begin the great quest of proving it to the world and to yourself.”

To be honest, I felt like I was playing small. Like I was told I could only go so far but no further.

I felt like I was playing small.

And then, of course, there were the fears. (I’m a six on the Enneagram so fear comes naturally to me.) There was always so much to be afraid of. And stepping out in life was sure to invite challenges, struggles, and heartache. Who needs more of that?

It’s easier, isn’t it, to hunker down, stay in your safe cocoon, and bide your time until it’s over.

But let’s be honest. That’s not living! That’s existing. And I wanted more out of life.

So I started to wonder why the most quoted passage in the Bible is “Be not afraid”. Could there be something to that? Is it possible to stop living in fear and instead begin living with faith?

And then there was one of my favorite scripture passages that says, “I came so that you might have life and have it abundantly.”

Wow! Dish me up a plate of that, please.

Is it possible that life wasn’t meant to be so scary? That we weren’t supposed to suffer so much? That we could actually live with peace and joy and abundance?

If so, I wanted in.

Recognizing that this would take some work, I began reading books like Wired for Joy and The Chemistry of Calm. I learned that we can actually re-wire our brains away from fear and toward joy.

I started listening to Hay House CD’s, podcasts and radio shows by authors and speakers who seemed to be living more positively, like Wayne Dyer and Dr. Christiane Northrup.

I began watching Oprah Winfrey’s show, Super Soul Sunday, which I just can’t get enough of!! I watch my favorites over and over again.

And slowly, things began to change. I felt calmer and didn’t worry so much. I stopped thinking about all of the things I could be afraid of and instead started thinking about all of the amazing things I wanted to do with my life.

I stopped asking... What if? And started saying... What if!!!! Click To Tweet

And I made out a long list of what my life would look life if it were magical. Here are just a few of the things I wrote…

• I wouldn’t be afraid. I would let go and let God.
• I would embrace the guidance and power of the Holy Spirit.
• I would be grateful for all of my amazing blessings.
• I would surround myself with positive, optimistic, supportive, enthusiastic, nurturing, fun-loving people, and stay away from the toxic and negative.
• I would seek out adventures and experiences that were life giving.
• I would engage in activities that feed my soul.
• I would pursue my calling with passion.
• I would be free.
• My spirit would soar.
• I would light the dark and heal the world!

Donald Miller says, “A good storyteller doesn’t just tell a better story, though. He invites other people into the story with him, giving them a better story too…It’s as though God is saying, Write a good story, take somebody with you, and let me help.”

The AWE Community is in the business of writing better stories for ourselves and for women and children around the globe. I hope you’ll join us!

XOXOXO, Lis

Ignore the noise and listen to Truth

Here’s another guest post from Kathleen Gawlik, founder Pure Purpose Coaching & Consulting and also my sister. Read her post on The Counterintuitive Path to Peace & Joy here.

I had a tough day today in the middle of a tough few weeks.

I feel like I have been working virtually nonstop. Progress seems slow, and I can’t seem to make a deadline no matter how hard I try.

So today, as I drove home from a very challenging appointment, I struggled with the thoughts going through my mind.

“Maybe I’m just not cut out for this type of work…I’m not good at this…All of the opportunities that God has been sending my way seem to be drying up…What will happen if it keeps getting worse?”

With each new thought, my world seemed darker and darker and I felt smaller and smaller.

My world seemed darker and I felt smaller.

I have a history of being pretty hard on myself. Can anyone relate?

Thankfully, God has been guiding me down a different path in the past few years, and this new path has included a lesson in self-care.

Self-care goes beyond pedicures and buying ourselves a new pair of shoes – not that there’s anything wrong with that. Sometimes it just comes down to being as caring toward ourselves as we are toward others.

How are you treating yourself?

This includes speaking to and treating ourselves with the same (or dare I say more) kindness that we would show someone we love or care about. The truth is, many of us treat strangers or people we don’t like better than we treat ourselves.

Self-care is less about earning something and more about grace which is by definition undeserved.

So on the day when your performance is less than stellar at work or at home, maybe that’s the very day we need to take the gentlest most loving care of ourselves – treat ourselves to whatever it is that we most need to nourish our body and spirit, whether it’s time with friends or time alone with the Lord.

It’s only recently and with God’s encouragement that I have changed my strategy of how I respond to myself when things don’t seem to be going well, and I’m not pleased with myself.

It seemed so counterintuitive at first. If I’m not performing and accomplishing what I should be in the way I could be, shouldn’t I buckle down, work harder, talk a little tougher to myself? Doesn’t it make sense to go down every negative path I can think of to make sure I understand how much pressure I need to feel to do better and how bad things could be if I don’t?

Ok, I realize that when I put it that way it seems like a pretty poor motivation strategy. So why do so many of us fall into it?

Here’s the good news. All you have to do to change it is be nicer to yourself.

Try being nicer to yourself.

It may take some time to begin to recognize what you’re saying and doing that may be more hurtful than helpful. But it’s amazing how much brighter the world can feel and how much more motivated and productive we become when we begin to be our own encourager and treat ourselves with love.

And, we’re not on our own. When we take the first step of just being aware of how we treat ourselves, God meets us there and carries us forward.

Ok, so back to my depressing drive home today. Once I began to realize that what I was saying to myself wasn’t very positive or encouraging, as only God can orchestrate, I turned on the Christian radio station to hear Casting Crowns singing,

But the giant’s calling out my name and he laughs at me

Reminding me of all the times I’ve tried before and failed

The giant keeps on telling me time and time again,

“Boy, you’ll never win! You’ll never win!”

But the voice of truth tells me a different story

And the voice of truth says, “Do not be afraid!”

And the voice of truth says, “This is for My glory”

Out of all the voices calling out to me

I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

Well, that message seemed pretty clear and only confirmed that I needed to take action and stop being hard on myself and negative about my circumstances.

So I began to consciously change my thoughts and listen to the voice of truth. “This is just one of those tough days; God is still in control, and He will never leave me or forsake me; It is unlikely that others are judging me and my performance as harshly as I am; I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and God has plans to prosper me and not to harm me – plans to give me hope and a future.”

Once I got home, I sat down, put my feet up, and did some therapeutic writing.

Thanks for listening!

Love, Kathleen

Kathleen Gawlik received her BA in English and MA in counseling from Rollins College in Winter Park, Florida. She completed her ICF-approved training as a Christian Coach through Christian Coach Institute and founded Pure Purpose Coaching & Consulting, LLC. She now helps women weather the storms of life and find their value, unique purpose, and peace as Christ’s Beloved. She is a Christian Coach, Counselor, Consultant and Motivational Speaker.